ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
