just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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