Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
