i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
