Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
