Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
