Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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