I could make wine with my vomit
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
