im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Randomize
