??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
