I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
