I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize