you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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