Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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