That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
