so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
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