Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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