my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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