he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
