Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
