I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
