Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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