just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
