4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
