i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
