omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
