small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
