im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
