Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize