apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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