Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
