I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
