3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
