White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
