Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
