So drunk its hurt
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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