just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize