Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
