I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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