I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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