i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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