Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I want her autograph on my taint
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
