what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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