are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize