what day is it and did you see me today?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
