Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
