Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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