my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
