K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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