can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
