they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
