420 ftw
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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