Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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