Ambien. No doubt about it.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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