Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
