She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
