Fine. I'll sleep in my office
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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