you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
