I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize