are you so shy because you have an std?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize