So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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