It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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