i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
