The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I smell like Dick and happiness
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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