You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
